I’ve been reading The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch. While I think that 80% of the messages could have been condensed into 20% of the pages (there’s a lot of repetition) there are some interesting ideas on relationships that I wanted to share with you here.

According to the book:

• 80% of the value of our relationships comes from 20% of those relationships
• We devote much less than 80% of our attention to the 20% of relationships that create 80% of the value.

The book also says that history is driven by individuals who form effective alliances – people who spend time developing really strong relationships and alliances with people who can help and support them. This principle is also applied by successful business people. You don’t need many allies, but you need the right ones, with the right relationships with them. How do you find the best allies? People help you because you have a strong relationship with them. The best relationships are built on five attributes.

Mutual enjoyment – if you don’t enjoy talking to someone, you can’t build a strong relationship with them. They have to enjoy your company too. Think about the people you mix with for business purposes. How many of them do you actually like? Don’t spend time with people you don’t like – it’s not enjoyable and won’t get you anywhere.

Respect – there may be people whose company you enjoy, but do you actually respect them? If someone else is to help you professionally, they must be impressed by you. Show them how good you are to help them respect you more.

Shared experience – especially if it involves struggle or suffering, shared experience is very bonding. If you’ve been through the same issues as someone else, you’ll have more in common with them; you’ll have a connection. Find someone with whom you have a shared experience and make them a key ally.

Reciprocity – for alliances to really work, each side must do a great deal for the other. One-sided alliances don’t work! Reciprocity should come naturally and not be too finely calculated. The important thing is that you do whatever you possibly can, consistent with high ethical standards, to help the other person. Don’t wait until they ask you for a favour.

Trust – trust cements relationships and a lack of trust can unwind a relationship very quickly. Trust requires total honesty at all times. If you don’t trust someone completely, don’t try to build up an alliance with them.

Allies are the key people who can really help you and your business. Think about all the people you know and the relationships you have with them. Taking the five attributes listed above, identify the people who are your key allies – those with whom you have the strong relationships. Then spend 80% of your time developing 20% of those relationships, to create 80% of the value.

Who are you key allies? Who do you need to spend more time with, for the growth of your business?